Hedonism, Gregarity, Selflessness and Everything Nice

Lessons learned: It's hard to change who you are, or maybe its just me. This was meant to be an experiment to see what variable X would be like enhanced for twenty-four hours, but it turned out to be more an experiment about whether or not I was capable of enhancing variable X.

So, round-up

Hedonism - fun day, nothing special though. Ended up staying at Pete's house and drinking seriously for the first time in like 4 months, I think I totalled 2 pitchers for the entire night, including dinner.

Gregarity - for one intended to be a social butterfly, this was a pretty dissapointing day. I spent most of my time working on an assignment.

Selflessness - I cleaned the kitchen, and did everyone else's dishes, which I think is pretty damn selfless. Didn't donate to a charity or anything, or pick a child out of a sewer, but that's really because neither of those presented themselves.

So, there you have it. I want to do this again sometime , but maybe for like a week. Oh yeah, I also have a sweet job this summer, which is awesome, but unfortunately, its in Kingston. Judging from my supervisor though, the hours will be flexible, which is the only way Dustin works.

Time to work on a lab....

Productivity

So this entry was a little late, but today is the day of Hedonism, so I'm fucking going to enjoy myself, which does not include blogging.

I defined Productivity for my purposes as to produce as many tangible, finished items as possible. This didn't happen, but I felt that it did. Starting at 7:30, I had alot of momentum coming out of bed and through the day, but, around 3 pm, my resolve started to wane. I wasn't allowing any downtime for myself. Finally, nearly having my lab finished it all broke down and I became screwing around. Nothing happened for a long time, it sucked.

As drastic as that sounded, it really wasn't generally, my days doesn't change. Life isn't a movie, unfortunately, so I didn't cure cancer or anything yesterday. The day of productivity wasn't as inneffectual as the day of impulsivity, but it still drags. This experiment isn't being as successful as I had hoped.

Today is the day of Hedonism, which isn't being as hedonism as I hoped (no grapes being fed to me by nude women). Most of this stems from my confusion over the definition: Is it hedonistic in the moment? or hedonistic in the long-term? I am fine doing both, and the latter is simply calculated selfishness. The definition from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is: "Hedonism: The doctrine that pleasure is the chief good is like." Man, hedonism gets knocked alot, mostly because people have a narrow view of what pleasure is. It's not all fucking and massages (I haven't had a massage yet, but I came shortly after midnight, putting today off to a good start. No, not alone!) Please can be riding bikes, doing something productive, eating or whatever - whatever makes you feel good.

Okay - this entry is starting to drag so I'm off to pursure more pleasure.

Impulsivity

A day of following in the moment impulses. For myself, I defined being impulsive as not thinking of the past or present (within limits, obviously).

Like I said already, looking at my overall day, nothing changed on the macro-scale. I didn't end up in Tahiti, sleep with 100 women, or anything memorable. What I did do is read papers in class, chug a Red Bull and a half each with Thom, and touch stuff unusually, yell out. I felt warm inside in the moment, but I'm left feeling rather hollow. I didn't get anything major done. I DID find out that I got an NSERC grant though today, which is ridiculously good.

So what have I learned? When I act "Impulsive", I simply act crazy. I yell out, jump around, drink wierd things, but am left with nothing. There is no calculation of benefits but within the next few seconds. I have no lasting worthy memories.

I have decided the difference between impulsiveness and hedonism is that hedonism is calculated, like Ayn Rand would have loved, whereas impulsiveness is random. I've found extreme impulsiveness is rather bad.

Tommorow's trait: Productivity. I've already got my alarm clock set for 7:30. Until midnight though: Rumble Box!

Week 1102: The Week of Change

Today's Theme: Impulsivity

This is the only planned thing I do today.

Every once in a while I get a creeping fear that I am becoming a boring, full-grown, integrated member of society. This is a symptom of those fears, and I'm having a personality experiment to mess with it. The schedule for this week is as follows:

Monday: Impulsivity
Tuesday: Productivity (for the sake of bourgeoisis)
Wednesday: Hedonism (sort of indistinguishable from impulisivity, except I'm allowed to be sloppy)
Thursday: Social Butterflyness (aka Gregarity)
Friday: Selflessness (something I need to work on)

So start the grand experiment. The first 12 hours have gone fine, I haven't noticed major changes on the macro-scale of my life but I feel different, with impulsivity being highlighted.

My major concern coming up is this job decision I have. I geuss I am content that either way I will make a relatively large amount of money this summer for someone my age.

I just discovered the sweetest game! Rumble Box! I'm going to play some now then watch Battlestar Galactica!

Rocks!

Sick Again

This makes three times this semester. Each time, I've known exactly what I've had, and who it came from. Judging from the predictability of this so far, I'm writing this in the hopes that I will actually remember something and learn from this.

SICK I

Disease: Flu
Perpetrator: Kate Evans

This happened just when school was starting again, and put me out of commision for a few days. I remember sweating alot and being delirious.

SICK II

Disease: Norwalk Virus (Stomach Flu)
Perpetrator: Daniel-Ryan Spaulding

D-R thought he would host a "sexy party", in his true style, and told everyone like two weeks in advance. It seems that the day of the party, he was throwing up, etc. but was determined that the show must go on. Big mistake. Norwalk is highly contagious, and everyone at the party got sick, which screwed up rehearsals for Heterotopia for a full week. Strangely, Kate didn't get sick - she was like the only one.

SICK III

Disease: "Sinusitis"
Perpetrator: Talia Acker

I'm coughing up my lungs right now because of this one, another disease spreading around with thanks to Heterotopia. While the name of this disease is somewhat ambigious, and I think defines a symptom and not actually what I have, the effect is not. I have a fever of 39 degrees Celsius. I should probably be sleeping right now, but I just had to prove that infinity is odd.

I plan on getting better soon.

Heterotopia (or what the hell Dustin has been up to all this time)

The Time Project Website

Hi Everyone,

Since September I've been involved in a play creation project that has gone full circle from ten people sitting in a room, to writing, to dramaturgy, to rehearsal, to production next week. Its been amazing working with creative people from drama, applied science and education for so long, and The Time Project (as it was code-named) became quite a large part of my life.

We've talked about topics ranging from destiny to quantum mechanics to social spaces and imprisonment and disconnection. We used a blog posting-process to innovatively control writing. We spent time brainstorming, and have hundreds of notepads of ingenious scramblings somewhere. The embodiment of this entire process finishes this March 14th -18th, when the play is going up in the Integrated Learning Centre (Beamish-Munro Hall).

If you've noticed that I haven't been around for the last year, especially since January, then this is why. This is for every time I declined your asking me to go out and drink or have fun, because I was either rehearsing, writing, or finishing some homework that had been displaced by the play. The entire process was overwhelming, and I'm going to miss it once it's over, but then again, I will have time to eat properly again. Help me let it go out with a bang.

I and a bunch of other people put alot of blood, sweat and tears into this play, so in essence, if you don't see it I won't love you anymore.

Dustin

More info: http://www.criticalstage.co.uk/current.htm
Blog (writing tech): http://thetimeproject.blogspot.com/

Last 24 hours

24 hours ago, I arrived in Toronto.

22 hours ago, I played in a free improv Workshop at Bad Dog Theatre.

21 hours ago, I saw Globehead Theatre Sports at Bad Dog. They were okay.

19 hours ago, I sat down to watch Second City: Reloaded sketch show, and then improv. For the long form improv, I gave the suggestion (and only suggestion) of "Destruction".

14 hours ago, I started driving back to Kingston, after dropping off an old friend I hadn' seen in a while who shares my birthday.

13 hours, the other two guys in the car and I start trying to tell the best worst joke.

12 hours ago, I arrive in Kingston, and sleep/

6 hours ago, I wake up and return the rental car. It was a full-size Buick with faux wood interior. Upon returning it, I felt as if I became younger by 60 years.

5 hours ago, I ate eggs, 40% raisins and OJ while watching a bad horror movie, while reading in Scientific American about Tsunamis.

4 to 3 hours ago, I cleaned my room, checked email, got stuff ready for the rest of the week. I've decided that I'm not doing any work until tommorow.

2 hours ago, I ate lunch.

For the last hour, I've been listening to Feynman's Lecture on Physics while becoming progressively more stoned.

Does this last 24 hours say alot about me (that's what I intended when I started writing this). I think it says about my days off.

Yours in Ego,
Dustin

Imaginings

I don't write enough. Here goes.
-BREAK-

A few years back, when I lived in British Columbia still, I read alot of the Myst Books, and generally was obsessed with the Myst Universe. The most intriguiging part was the possibility of world creation based on simple, self-consistent rules. No restraint on real world physics. This may not have been the intention of the Miller brother's lasting effect, but its what I have.

I was reminded of this yesterday I think when I remembered of a particular world I created, and wrote down.

I often wonder what the essence of science fiction is - is it creating a world, populating it with characters, and then placing the literary video camera up to this world. In this case, the work is front-end heavy. Lord of the Rings would be an example of this. OR, is it the other way around: A simple world, with most of the work ongoing as the plot continues. In this case, the work is continuous. I imagine most science fiction television shows are like this. In my opinion, its much more fun to do the front-ended work, as I am better at it, and at least imaginative enough for it.

So this world I created was situated on a gas giant. Ideally, I would like this to be possible with normal-universe physics, but some stretchings would have to be made, maybe. So, a gas giant. There is a planetary surface, but for the humanoids I care about, it is far too low and too far away to be of concern, or to even be visible. The core of the planet is metallic, liquid even, and conducts strong electric currents, producting a strong magnetic field. We see this on Jupiter today. Now, here comes the cool part. Suspended, high above the planet's core, in a region of habitable atmospheric pressure and density and temperature, are clusters of large superconducting quasi-metallic rocks, ranging in size from 1 km to 10 m, with some soil/plant toppings. The superconductivity may occur due to some cooling process, as a results of bombardment from an unusual radiation environment, whatever, but it is borderline possible. The superconductivity is what causes the suspension in the strong magnetic field (just look up superconductors). Imagine standing on a 10 m rock, jumping up and down and feeling it jiggle just a little bit. Imagine traversing a crude bridge between neighbouring rock islands.

I imagine life on this planet could start airborne, depending on the atmosphere, and somehow migrate to the rocks, build up plant life. Actually, reading Guns, Germs and Steel hs given me a great perspective on the development of civilization. I'm thinking now, there is no incentive for animals to grow. So, how about I induce a spin in the rocks, meaning that the plants have to rotate to capture the sun, beginning the development of mobility and metabolism.

Cool. I should do this more often.

Looking for other Hills

I have an issue.

I've noticed a pattern in myself - namely that I am lazy and impatient when it comes to almost anything. I try to get the most for the least amount of work. Now that I'm writing this, this reminds me about Atlas Shrugged, which I'm currently reading, but that is another matter.

The point is, I think I need to fix this. I've always had a problem of not living in the moment. Despite years of improv training and performing, I still have trouble recognizing the present for what it is. This brings me to the sort of person I am today - reasonably well connected in many many different circles, having tons of superficial acquaintances, having a large skill set, etc. I feel spread too thin. I don't know if life is supposed to have some central focus or not, but everything is really blurry. I spent thirtyish minutes today reading job descriptions and figuring out what I'm doing this summer, which is one of the most dehumanizing and disheartening tasks ever, yet somehow I enjoy it a little bit.

This blurriness leads to me being lazy. I developed a certain level of passive aggressiveness - listen, listen, listen, consider, and then make a small contribution that tilts things slightly in your way. What is wrong, man? I think I'm afraid of confrontation for some reason, some deep-seated reason I don't feel like going into. Fuck.

This all leads to the title of this entry - "Looking for other Hills". My lazyness and passive-agressiveness and lack of presence in the moment leads to me, if I am not absolutely pleased with a situation, to look for a better situation. This applies to almost everything for me: relationships, friends, disciplines (haha), fads, habits, hobbies, jobs. This stems from my belief that in a world as large as ours, the possibilities are so diverse that any reasonably-motivated person can, instead of taking the time to fix/work on something, easily look out and find anything better as their choice. When I get tired/bored of something or someone, I just stop paying attention to them instead of actually confronting them. As I write this, I realize more and more how much of a douche I am.

This is changing now (making a phone call). I'm grabbing life by the horns.

Promising more positive entries in the future,
Dustin

Green Unicorns and the Flu

The last few days I've been suffering from being sick, probably from some new strain of the flu. The worst was on Thursday, where I threw up everything I ate. I ate four slices of bread, 4 eggs and some orange juice. None of that stayed down, leaving me with a net foodage of nothing.

I don't get sick often, which is why this was such a surprise. Also, I had taken a flu shot earlier, which is why I'm geussing this was a new strain. Also, it was very late in the flu season. I remember back when I was in elementary school it seemed my family would get it almost every year, but I haven't had it for like, 10 years. I point the blame for this case of the flu at a particular close friend of mine, who shall remain unnamed.

So, at this point you are probably wondering what I mean by "Green Unicorn". Here is a chronology of my flu experience (very approximated):

10 am Thursday - Threw up clear liquid

10 - 12 Thursday - Slept?

12 - 3 pm? - Made two slices of toast. Ate slowly over the next 3 hours, while watching the George Lucas director's cut of THX 1183. I had to stop several times to throw up the toast.

3 - 5 - ?

5 - 7 - Made a nice big dinner of two slices of toast and four eggs. The eggs were somewhere between scrambled and sunnyside up. In this period of the symptom, I was beginning to enter the stage of delirious hilarity and neediness. Being sick and effectively alone in my house, I was unfilled. I was also starting to sort of imagine and hallucinate, and I was beginning to feel cold. Wow, I need to work on my writing.

7 - 9 - I began to watch Spinal Tap with the commentary, which turned out to be the bandmembers in character. I was delighted that they kept the mockumentary facade, and that they managed to keep thier characters and voices after 20+ years.

9 pm - Threw up everything I just ate. At this point I reached a new high in humour for what was going on. I appeared that despite my acute attempts to eat, I would not be allowed to do so. I then proceeded upstairs to sleep off the flu.

10 pm - 10 am. This was a blurry period, where the Green Unicorn comes in. at 10 am I woke up, apparently better. I still have a headache, which is either from the flu still, or playing Rag Doll Kung Fu for the past few hours.

In the blurry period, I remember being very cold (which means I had a fever, if you've read your body manual). I know somebody, well more so am aware of them, that overdosed on ecstasy and had their brain overheat because they passed out and nobody looked after him. I changed position in my bed every ten minutes throughout the night, and I always had the nagging thought that my brain would overheat. I had visualizations of the Divergence Theorem and Heat Conduction equations from MATH 227 and PHYS 231. Not only that, but in my delirious half awake/half asleep state my brain began to wander and repeat itself. I found myself trapped in thoughts I couldn't escape, like things I had forgotten to do or people still talking to me. This has to me in the past whenever I've visited a new, fast-paced place and been forced to do a routine for a long period of time, usually school or minimum-wage jobs. I get mentally stuck in it, and being a frequent insomniac does not help.

I devised the green unicorn to get rid of these thoughts. What is something I am not likely going to think of, but isn't too abstract so as to be unimaginable? A Unicorn. What is the least likely colour for a unicorn to be? Green. Its not magical or natural.

Whenever I entered a routine thought-pattern in my flu-driven delirium, I would call in The Green Unicorn, which would tear up the fabric of what I was picturing, and then EXPLODE, leaving my mind blissfully empty. It wouldn't actually break up a wall of the scene where I was, it would literally roll it up like a carpet as it charged through.

I'm going to use this now on to destroy or alter dreams I don't like, I suppose until it becomes so commonless place as to be dilute, but then I'll invent something else.